Drive an SUV that will seat eight 
  but I always drive alone
Got internet access and a color screen
  on my telephone
Lost most of my hair but I pay a hundred bucks
  to have it trimmed at a salon
Think of myself as a king and everyone else
  like they're less than a pawn

Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses

Watch reruns with surround sound
  on my big screen TV
My wife is gone to see the doc,
  cosmetic surgery
She wants a little nip & tuck,
  a new chest, 36D
It’s how you look, not how you feel,
  on that we all agree

Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
But they’re not keepin’ up with me

The grass is always greener around
  my new swimming pool
It makes my neighbors jealous and
  I think that’s pretty cool
I guess someday I’ll have to pay
  for the error of my sins
But he who dies with the most toys
  always wins - I’m gonna win, yeah!

A house, three boats, vacation home,
  all measures of success
These things of mine, they sure are fine
  intended to impress
I’ll raise the bar, get a brand new car
  and a 5-star beach resort
Of all the games, one-upsmanship
  is now my favorite sport

Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
Keepin’ up with the Joneses
We’re keepin’ up with the Joneses
But they’re not keepin’ up with me